Photo by Chris Mähl, last piece of cake
Showered, dressed, I join my bear in the Airbnb. The pressure is mounting, I’m confused.
I enter, he is upstairs. I hear him coming down the stairs. He appears, even more beautiful than I remember. He’s lost weight, he’s even sexier. Desire is instantaneous, I give him a shy kiss on the lips.
Upstairs, we sit down on the sofa to chat, he asks me his eternal question “What are you up to?”, and as each time I fail, I don’t know what to answer. Because the only purpose of my life the weeks before was waiting to see him, the fear and the impatience to eat my last piece of chocolate cake.
So I tell him about my writing, then about Melbourne after he leaves, and I return the question.
He tells me that he is leaving for Georgia. In a few words, he drives a sharp blade into my heart. He does not leave in eight days, but in five days. The tickets were too expensive otherwise.
My throat tightens and my fingers shake, I struggle between a wave of tears that accumulate in the depths of my chest and the mad desire to rape him. The second option is the one that takes over.
Our bodies meet again
His look is getting naughty, and mine takes over. If he leaves in 5 days, I don’t have time for whining. It’s time to start tasting.
Our lips are eating each other, eager for all this time without having caressed each other. He bites me, his expert hands get rid of my dress. Grrr, he devours me, and I love it.
He’s even more greedy than usual, he takes his time, he caresses every part of my skin, his lips follow the line of his fingers, and I faint.
I am his, he owns me, my pleasure belongs to him.
I also want him to be mine, I tip the scales, it’s my turn to show him my desire. My lips are voracious, they take hold of his tanned skin. My eyes are stuck in his, I try to imprint the moment in my memory.
My mouth approaches the forbidden fruit, it tastes it, it seizes it, doesn’t let it escape. I like to feel its desire swelling on my tongue, to feel it so excited to know its limb is so deeply embedded.
Pleasing him with my lips makes me crazy with excitement. Besides, I can feel it doubling between my hips. We’re not going to need lube…
One retires towards the bed, as in a small cocoon. He lays me down on the bed, he stretches out on top of me, and he possesses me. It’s so good, he is there in me. He devours my neck, and continues to come and go slowly. We change positions several times, he has the gift of finding the right angle. The angle that creates the spark that releases this pleasure, this orgasm that was so hard to come before him.
Our bodies call out to each other, grasp each other, push each other, it’s so good, I could go on and on.
He feels it coming, I want the icing, I want it off and I enjoy it from my lips.
We lie down, embracing, he’s so hot. I caress his skin, I feel that I am more and more in love. With my fingertips, I touch his tattoo, then his beautiful freckles, witnesses of years spent in the tropics …
We fall asleep, my head on his chest, his arm around me. What if I kidnapped him??
Nap time is over
The nap is over, we are only at the end of the afternoon, it is time to move a little. I don’t want to leave the bed, however, I look at him with my eyes of a lover, my eyes of a tame panther. He smiles, but like any good Him, who he is, hop hop, let’s move.
We have a drink on the terrace, we talk, and I realize that I love his body, his face, his sensuality as much as his mind and his voice. My heart tightens when the idea of his departure crosses my mind.
That evening, I cook my classic Gougères for him. He seems to appreciate them. If I could finish seducing him with my cooking… The evening is sweet and sensual again. It’s so good to have him back. The words, the caresses, the kisses, the sex and the hugs, I love everything when it comes from him.
The days that follow, I don’t work and I adapt to his desires. I have only one thing I want to make him do: go to Rottnest Island with him. For the rest, I enjoy it when he’s there. I don’t want to see anyone else, I only want to be his.
First day… Waiting and reunion
The first day, we got up early and I enjoy my bear, the beginning of the sensual morning. I love this new intimacy that binds us. It’s easy, it’s soft and tender.
Then he has his farewell to his former colleagues to do, so I accompany him downtown to take his bus, and I wait patiently for him at the airbnb. Patience is something I know now. When I find him, I don’t let go.
I admire him when he plays me the guitar, with his beautiful voice. I stare at his lips, his fingers, and dream about what he will do with them later. Yes, I’m crazy about him.
The evening is as sweet and intense as the first one. It’s the best chocolate cake I’ve ever had, I never get tired of it.
Second day: patience, again you…
The following day, he goes diving all morning. My heart tightens, he takes me away from his company for a few hours.
But I’m happy for him, so what the hell, I have a coffee with him, I accompany him to the door and I go back to bed. Sleep doesn’t come, but smelling his smell in the sheets puts me in a rather pleasant state of nostalgia.
I feel like writing, so I start his farewell letter. He deserves one, he has turned my heart upside down. It’s so strange to write to him when he hasn’t even left yet. Then I go through his notebook, blackening pages and pages. Why do I do this? To try to keep him close to me a little more, to tell him all the things I couldn’t say to his face.
The morning is slow, I take advantage of it to go shopping, I buy his parting gifts, a card. Then I go to the beach alone, my heart is impatient to see him again. Unfortunately, loneliness never creates very positive feelings, and I feel the sadness that tightens my throat.
Come on, to the water, he hasn’t left yet, so there’s no question of getting depressed! The swim gives me a little bit of aplomb, and I reach our meeting point.
Waiting won’t kill me
He will arrive an hour and a half after me, the dive was longer than expected. I am drunk when he joins me. More relaxed, less aware of the barriers I have to keep, I touch him, I put little kisses on his bare arms, and he lets himself go.
It’s a moment of relaxation, and I’m happy to enjoy his last fish and chips with him.
The evening is the same as the other two, my God, it’s so simple and so good. Why don’t I have more time?
In the evening, I give him a long massage. As long as you are with me, I will take care of you my beautiful grizzly.
On Friday, he has to do his Covid test to catch his plane on Sunday. His departure is getting closer and the pressure is mounting in my chest. Three days and two nights are all I have left.
Breakfast in my favorite coffee shop, then I wait for him in front of the doctor’s office… Patience, again…
During the day, I follow him on his shopping day, and I have to say that it amuses me. He’s annoyed with Perth, the number of people, the stifling heat. I don’t care, I’m by his side and that’s all that matters.
We go shopping, trying on things, and I like to give him a little advice, help him with his choices and imagine him with all that later, when I’m buried in the depths of his memory.
The day is stifling, we go back and forth, he is annoyed by the Australian administrative rigor, he complains a little (don’t you have French origins, my little Bear?). But nothing touches me, I savor his voice, his presence, his critical spirit.
Evening with a drink
After the shopping, we pass to the hostel. And finally, we spend all the evening there. He is happy to see his friends, and I cannot decently deprive him of this pleasure. Not being residents of the hostel at this time, we are summoned to leave at 21h30.
He is completely drunk, and I am also a bit tipsy. We heckle each other, we play. Then we make love savagely. It is rougher, harder, but it is exciting and pleasant too.
In the morning, he doesn’t remember. Oops… #metoo #balancetaporcinette.
A day at Rottnest Island
In the morning, I’m afraid he’ll stand me up, he’s hungover and I don’t need glasses to see him. After several coffees, he follows me. Train, ferry and here we are on the island.
After a slight wait to take the bikes, we are on the roads. And I have two of my favorite things in Perth: Rottnest Island and Ben.
The day is so peaceful, pedaling, stopping, cuddling, giving him tender kisses on his skin that glows in the sun. Too bad the minutes don’t go on forever.
The beaches are always so beautiful, but with him in my field of vision, they become exceptional. Damn, I think that at this moment, I …
After two small glasses, we leave this sweet enchanted island, where for the first time, I had a date with my Bear.
In the evening, we have no time to procrastinate. Back, we throw ourselves under the shower, dressed, we leave to buy bottles for his goodbye party.
I put my beautiful red bodysuit, under my small yellow dress. It is his last night, I want to be perfect.
The evening is a little strange, I stay with him, then I give him his space. Finding the right balance is complicated, I want so much not to miss a single second at his side. And then, for him too, I see that it’s strange. He doesn’t know many people at the hostel anymore, and most of them don’t even know who he is.
Then the chopper falls, his flight is cancelled.
An unconscious smile is created on my face. I feel very sorry for him, I feel him down, and I understand. But can we fight against a joy that has never passed through our neurons?
In the evening, I see him trying to play the game, but he is not a very good actor, and I feel him sad. Sad and worried. So I look at him out of the corner of my eye, at the first sign from him, I am ready to go home. He holds on for a long time. When he looks me in the eyes and with a movement of his head, I don’t have to be prayed for.
How do I manage?
On the way, I don’t know how to find the words. I feel guilty, guilty that I’m a little happy about it, and yet I had absolutely nothing to do with it.
When we come back, our bodies say more than our mouths, and it’s by linking my body to his, by devouring him, caressing him, licking him, kissing him, that I try to give him back some love and good humor. The moment is extremely sensual and intense, and the night is cuddly.
Sunday morning, let’s try not to break the eggs.
Yet in the morning, I feel bad, stressed. I don’t want to intrude too much. I stay in the background. He gets up early, tries to call the company, he is stressed, so disappointed. I feel like I’m too much at times. I even come to think that he should have left, that at least we would have ended on a good note.
Be discreet but not weird, be there but not suffocating. I walk on eggshells all morning. Several times I take him in my arms, I want to give him love and strength. I want him to know I’m there.
He took another ticket for the following Sunday. There’s one more week left, that’s it. I have one more week, I dare not rejoice.
He tells me he’s going out for coffee, I don’t know if I’m welcome or not. When in doubt, I leave him alone. I go for a run, to release the tension. It’s hard to be in this state.
He comes back, he’s booked the hostel for the last four days he has left after the Airbnb. In a dormitory, no choice. I’m so sad. Our last days, I won’t be able to touch him. A road trip, less funny.
He proposes me to go to the gym. It’s a good way to evacuate our tensions, I come out more relaxed, and so does he.
When the decrepitude of humanity brings you closer
In the afternoon, we leave for a massage. But it is impossible to find a massage parlor spontaneously. My Bear is grumpy but speaks about it with humor, I laugh a little. We end up at the… worst museum that we have been given to visit! Ah yes, it was free, but to see noodle bags and plastic ducks… Thank you.
Finally, after the museum of Perth, we continue on a small museum of Modern Art, which is hardly less worse! We laugh about it. What is a fiasco turns out to be a good joke, we laugh about it and debate.
A killing milkshake, we go quietly to the Airbnb. He’s relaxed and so am I, so I tell him. It’s a bad joke the dormitory for his last 4 nights. I can participate, you know. We book it for 3 more nights, and I book a hotel for the last one.
Sweet evening around the decadence of humanity
Finally, I find my favorite bear, his hugs, his debates, his humor and his burning eyes. We watch a video on John B. Calhoun’s experience with mice. If the conversation is a bit pessismistic overall, it is more than interesting, and I find him, and I find us.
The following week is sweet and perfect. I come home from work, I find him, it’s early and I enjoy him.
It’s really the perfect week, it brings us closer together. I don’t doubt my feelings anymore, it’s too late to fight it.
Every night we make love, we have a drink or not, we have dinner, we remake the world, we watch a movie, and not always in the same order. His presence, his spirit, his skin, his tenderness make me even softer, even more in love.
Yes, I love him, this big bearded man with beautiful hazelnut eyes, with a sweet voice and a beautiful smile. I try to imprint in my mind every little wrinkle, every skin texture, every expression on his face. It’s my bonus week, I’m enjoying him gently.
I feel that he’s letting himself be tamed a little more, that he’s letting down some barriers, and it feels so good to have him to myself these few days.
Last moment to us
In public, he lets me show him my affection. And after he’s so much in my way, I appreciate it.
The last evening, we decide not to go to do the Christmas quiz at the hostel, we take the evening for us. After his last beach, an enormous milkshake, we join the hotel.
Showered, we cannot prevent ourselves from devouring ourselves. Our bodies do not get tired and still want to taste the pleasure of the other. The ebat is strong, intense, soft. I love when his lips rest on my back, when he makes love to me. I love when his teeth nibble my neck, my lip. Once again, he creates the orgasm. My magic bear…
One last date
My grizzly wants to see the sunset on Kings Park. He looks good in his navy blue blazer and light blue shirt. He stays with his ugly flip-flops, but that’s how I like him.
We walk for a long time, we talk for a long time too. Our conversations are always special, deep, and yet we only talk about our future without each other, like two friends. It’s like that, when you know from the beginning that the end is coming. There’s not much fork left before the end of the cake.
The evening is so sweet and pleasant, we drink a drink in a bar-restaurant too chic for us, it’s time for confidences, kindness… We even take a selfie, I’m happy, a small photo souvenir of this sweet evening. A kebab on a bench, and several glasses in a bar, we return to the hotel. Last night.
The last time
In the morning, we make love again. It will be the last time, and he will not tarnish his reputation again. Always as powerful, supple, he makes me climb the curtain. His burning skin covers mine, I want to stay like this forever, him inside me.
The last ebat is greedy, we know that we start the last spoon, we intend to savor every little crumb. His lips are soft, mine are voracious, his teeth greedy, my fingers grab, his hand caresses and snaps… Oh dear lover, I’m going to miss you so much.
We stay for a long time chatting in bed, we even go back to sleep. I observe his back, this back that smells so good, I put a kiss at my favorite place on his tattoo between his two shoulder blades. Skin has a memory, so I print hers in the palm of my hand, on my fingertips, in the hollow of my kidneys, and on all the surfaces I can.
A Day of Farewell
We leave late from the hotel to reach the hostel. Barbecue in the program. Ben puts down his things, weighs them, I try not to be too much in his paws, but it’s hard. I don’t have many hours left, not many minutes, I want to enjoy him until the end.
One last scare about his possibility to enter Georgia, and we join the Barbecue. He is funny, he is voluble, I let him speak on his side, not without sometimes coming back to him. Once again, my gestures of affection are not rejected, I can take him in my arms a few more times.
Last pizza for him, and we go for a walk, huddled together. Tongues loosen a little, it’s going to be hard to say goodbye. The afternoon passes too quickly. It’s the waiting before the execution, I know that the suffering is at the end.
After having cuddled one last time on a bench, we go back to the hostel. It’s almost time.
Two last coffees, a cigarette, and he orders his uber. Finally at 2 minutes, Baby Face decides to accompany him.
Against Baby Face’s car, we kiss with passion. I grab him one last time, my lips still want to taste his. My brain shouts “Don’t go! “and my lips try to hold him in a last kiss.
Baby Face invites me to come. No, that wouldn’t make it any less painful. I don’t know how I would react. So I let them leave together, talk about Bitcoin on the way.
“Au revoir, mon chéri,” he whispers to me. And I faint inside. He gets in the car, we kiss each other through the rolled down window.
And the car pulls away, and all the tears that had accumulated in my throat come out in a sob. The tears flow down my cheeks, I can’t stop them…
Since we said goodbye, I have had some lows, and some very lows, and some highs. I cried while mowing the lawn, I ran in panic after a dollar bill blown away. I had moments of joy with my friends, and moments of sadness as well.
I don’t know if one day I will ever see my beautiful bear with hazelnut eyes again. How long it will take for my heart to open up to another animal, I don’t know. I don’t know.
If I know one thing, I don’t want to eat a cookie! I’m not hungry for anything else. Yes, I am satiated for a while. How long, I don’t know.
I would like to find the recipe for this delicious cake, prepare it, bake it, wait and enjoy it again.
My Bear has taught me one thing, sometimes patience is worth it. And maybe, today I am ready to wait, not to throw myself on the cookie tin, so that when the time comes I can enjoy a beautiful pastry.
Translated by https://www.deepl.com/fr