+18 years

Libido? Where are you?

My libido is gone. But who am I without it? It defines me so much, so how can I do that when it seems to be extinguished? Come back!

Libido out… Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

Some ask me where my crispy posts are, others wait, hoping perhaps that my sex life is so busy that I can’t write.

A sleeping panther

Unfortunately, it is quite different. I have torn my net, my binoculars are blurred, I have no more energy and no more desire to hunt.

It’s been over eight months since I’ve added a number to my counter, over eight months since I’ve hunted anything, not a single rabbit, field mouse, nothing. And it’s been two months, two months since anyone has shared my bed. And I’m not even complaining about it…

I fell into the abyss of feelings, and I tried to slow down my fall, but I couldn’t. I had to get back on my feet. I am still waiting for the impact. I am in an unknown state, one I have never experienced.

Did he change me?

I’ve had lovers, and good ones! I loved too… But I can’t compare, I was young, my feelings were crazy, but I tried to shut them up by having sex with others… And then, with Amar, I went to the end of my love, to the end of everything I could give. I was emptied, emptied of all energy, of all possibilities too. When it ended, I was almost relieved.

After that, I had to recharge myself, recharge myself with small preys, recharge my ego, recharge my kindness.

Nun… no more libido…

But today I feel different. Is it because I am older? Ouch, 31 years old now, it stings?

Or is it because I’m tired of hunting? Are my fangs too smooth? Will I need dentures? Or is it just him, has he messed up my hormonal system?

Usually, to forget a good lover, I try new ones, sometimes mediocre ones, until I forget that I had better before. Yes, to forget a little love affair, I usually go on a hunt.

Okay, at first it’s desperate and my ego gets a kick out of it. These hunts, where I end up making a bigger fool of myself, and where I end up with a mouse when I wanted a deer, are sometimes a good reason to shed tears… And those tears are more than just a missed evening.

Then I finally find my claws, I drink just enough and I plant my fangs in a beautiful specimen. Then I feel powerful, alive, and I recharge that ego that I miss so much when it comes to love. And almighty, I repeat, again and again. My ego is at its peak, I possess men, I consume them, I boast about them and I don’t care what others say about me. It’s easy, it’s accessible.

But this time it’s impossible. My desire is at ground zero. If you were to propose to me right now to go to nunner, to give up sex forever, I would say yes. And that is to say, because sex, eroticism, I love it since I discovered it, first alone, then in two, in three, in two, in four …

If the libido came back…

So what’s going on? Will I get better? Will the libido return? Little by little, or all at once?

Imagine one morning, I wake up after three months of abstinence, and the libido is back. I wake up excited, my eyes see all the potential prey. I salivate in advance. Even before lunchtime, I throw myself on the first tempting prey. But my hibernation has been too long, my hunger is so great that I need more….

Sometimes I hope it will come back, simple, beastly.

This bestial libido is also part of my identity, so by losing it, I feel different.

Who am I?

Sometimes I try to force it, when objectively I see a beautiful boy. Like in front of a bakery, in front of a beautiful pastry shop, I know I would have loved to have tasted it, but at that moment, I feel nauseous just thinking about it…

My libido has defined me since it was finally able to express itself out in the open. Now I’m going to have to start defining myself differently. It’s complicated, because Mybido was cool, it was fun and lively. Who am I without her?

I don’t want to become the boring and first class Mylene …

While waiting to discover the other interesting parts of my personality, I will try to revive through my memories this Mylido…

In order not to forget this part of me, which at the moment is asleep, I decided to go back to my most striking lovers of the past…

New …. old posts… Soon

Yes, many of my friends will have already heard these stories, yes the articles will necessarily be a little (or a little more) romanticized, but maybe by writing all these encounters experiences, successes, disappointments, my dear libido will come back…

Even more powerful, who knows ? 😉 .

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