Sunday until Monday, Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash
I’m well entrenched in my daily life, I’ve found my little comfort zone, an adopted family, close friends, a home of sorts…
But all good things come to an end and the journey, as I said in a previous post, is also about knowing how to say goodbye. Except that, no, I don’t feel like saying goodbye!
Like a capricious kid, I’d like everything to stay as it was, that nothing moves anymore. I felt so good, fulfilled, surrounded, and it’s already over. Yes, it does stop, people leave, or plan to leave.
Chris is leaving, Valentina may be leaving, others have already left. Everybody move, everybody’s looking. Everyone’s taking charge of their lives, resuming their travel plans.
Jobs are blooming, what am I waiting for?
I feel like I’ve lost mine. Or maybe mine don’t need to move at all for the moment? I was here to lose my bearings, but I love having them so much that I’m recreating them.
LIKE A SUNDAY
I say, “As it was,” because just knowing it’s going to end puts me in a Sunday before school state. Nostalgia for the good times I had, I feel like I can’t live in the moment, can’t enjoy the ones I love until the last moment.
I would like Sunday to go on and on. I don’t know how many hours I have left, but the anguish of the passing minutes prevents me from being light-hearted.
GOODBYE OR FAREWELL?
A sour taste remains at the back of my throat (and no, it’s not from what you think). It’s the anxiety of losing the people who matter right now. If for some it’s goodbye, for others it’s clearly goodbye. Not that I want a goodbye, but a late discussion taught me that a close friend of mine from here would evaporate forever in the Australian sky.
Obviously, I’m trying to reassure myself. All these people were not in my life a few months, a few weeks ago. I was living very well, why should it be any different? … Maybe because I’m more attached than I think?
ANTICIPATING MY GRIEF? THE SOLUTION?
It’s silly, but then I anticipate my sorrow, I try to detach myself, before they detach themselves. If I wasn’t paralyzed by the vice that tightens my chest, I would try to run away, to leave them before they leave me.
I’m already trying to find other occupations, I’m shutting myself away a bit. I would like to live my sorrow so that I can perhaps enjoy the last days?
I need to get out of this negative spiral, to enjoy the end of my Sunday afternoon…