Christmas Stories

The Christmas Catastrophe

I won’t tell you about my gifts, which, beyond being aesthetically questionable, are far from the Prince Charming that I order from you every year.

Christmas, Photo by Aditya Vyas on Unsplash

Dear Santa,

Despite your lack of response in previous years, I am taking the liberty of writing to you again after the festivities.

I won’t tell you about my gifts, which, beyond being aesthetically questionable, are far from the Prince Charming that I order from you every year. Indeed, I understand you have a great sense of humor. And even if it is very fashionable, I would have preferred not to laugh yellow.

No, this time I’m asking you to give you a little feedback on the gifts from my loved ones. Yes, I know, it probably surprises you, but the more the years go by, the more egoism gives way to wisdom (by the way, if you could remember for next year…).

I am aware that you have a lot of gifts to give each year, and that it is not always easy to please each of us. Besides, this year, I think you’ve outdone yourself.

It was very kind of you to give Grandma Ginette fudge. However, I’m not sure it was the brightest idea…

…because she didn’t have time to finish the first one her dentures were already glued on. With her teeth fused on either side, it was impossible for her to speak.

To free her, Uncle Jacques had to pull on her jaw, like a madman, to unlock it.

If this incident had been an isolated one, I don’t think I would have bothered you.

Unfortunately, while unblocking the denture, Uncle Jacques was thrown off balance. He then tried to make up for it, but ended up crashing into the log, which my sister-in-law Stephanie had been preparing all morning.

Besides the disappointment of all the guests for not tasting this sweet dish, Jacques’ fall triggered Stephanie’s fury.

It must be said that her patience and good humour had already been very much in evidence when she opened your present?

Santa, I know you’re joking around, but you’re pushing it. Sending her a wrinkle cream when she just had a face-lift… you’d think she wouldn’t pick up on your quirky sense of humor.

It could have all stopped at that point in the evening. Everybody could have sat down, had a chocolate and picked up where they left off.

It was without counting on your ability this year to brighten up the evening…

Stephanie left the dining room, screaming obscenities.

This is the moment Marc and his beautiful yellow vest chose to criticize the hysterical departure. It’s true that little Marco was already a little hot, since the opening of the gift.

All impatient, he unwrapped his package, tearing the paper into a thousand pieces. He quickly unpacked it when he discovered a beautiful red scarf folded well …

Where the hell were you thinking, aren’t you following the news a little bit?!

Faced with Mark’s verbal aggressions, Benjamin, who is usually so calm (the electric toothbrush must not have helped), felt obliged to defend his wife.

After a few words, swear words and frank insults, they came to blows. Ah, it was not a pretty sight… and that’s when the third drama happened. In the tumult, they spilled uncle Gege’s glass of water.

With no other choice for hydration, Gege grabbed the bottle of amber rum, which you had kindly brought him!

A good rum, well dated, not just any rum… so you didn’t make fun of him. What a good idea, Santa Claus… except it’s been 10 years since Gege stopped drinking.

You’d forgotten that…

After three drinks, Gege finally collapsed. It wasn’t too many of us four to put him to bed on the couch!

You can imagine that after all these incidents, we had no choice but to separate and join Morpheus. And so the festivities came to an end.

For this beautiful evening, dear Santa, I wanted to thank you. It’s been years since I’ve laughed so much with my family.

So I wish you a sweet rest, and I hope that next year you will show as much foresight in choosing your gifts.

Yours sincerely.

Mylene, more and more wise every year

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