Vision of life


No, I didn’t disappear ! No, I don’t have 12 panda points (months without sex). Thank you, I’ve had an active sex life since my return to the capital!

Except for the last month, since I got friendzoned.

There will be no article on the young man in question. The first veto right of the blog has been accepted. (I know, he is lucky ;)).

The Sexzone

Usually, when I’m assigned an area, it’s more like the sex zone.

In fact, even before I meet some of the boys, I’m already classified as a sex zone. No marriage, no love, nope, stamped “Naughty”. No going back.

The GPS of love curses me. In a few messages, I get sidetracked from my ultimate goal, love.

“Beware, you are taking a dead-end road, it’s taking you into a zone of desire without tomorrow

-Oh come on, it’s not a little dubious joke, a barely concealed hint, or a little naked photo that will definitely put me in the “Sexual Partner” – Marriage and Impossible Love” box.

-Turn around as soon as possible.”… “404 error – no sex zone.”

So yeah, that I’m used to. I’m free and liberated, probably too much so, I’m tongue-tied, a little promiscuous at times, and have a keen sexual appetite. But come on, it would be nice if guys would get over that. I have a huge heart underneath all those unbridled hormones!

It’s kind of the story of my life, so if I had been sexzoned again, I would have shed a little tear, shrugged my shoulders and next badger!!!

Those grey areas…

It’s never pleasant to go from a zone of desire, to a zone of no desire. But I’ll get over it.

On the other hand, it makes me wonder about these types of relationships. I’m not going to lie, I’ve had many more sexfriends or booty calls than I’ve had a sweetheart. Besides, have I ever been in a relationship?

The grey zone is my zone. I know all the nuances, no pun intended!

Besides, these relationships, neither love nor friendship, I master them so perfectly that I become intractable on the lexicon.

A booty call, you only see him from time to time, you only share a purely physical complicity. A small blow, a hug at the limit and ciao bye bye. No dinner, no movie, a drink at the most.

The sexfriend is different. We talk, we have dinner, we joke, we make love. Sometimes we even stay over. But no texting, no ties. Just the pleasure of spending a moment together from time to time.

The next step is the couple… Attachment, duties, projections… This one, it’s as much to say that I don’t master it at all!

And then between all these concepts, there are a thousand colors, there is the human… So it is never as clear, never as clear, and much more changing.

But can it work?

The real question is: “Is this pseudo relationship sustainable?

I regret to inform you that it is not. Ouch, even I, with my platinum membership card, have to be realistic. It doesn’t work, or only works for a while.

Sitting with one butt on two chairs is sometimes more pleasant than standing. But eventually, you end up trying to find your own chair.

For a few weeks, a few months, at most, it allows you to enjoy yourself sexually, to have that little bit of tenderness that we all miss a little bit. But then…

Peanuts, we nibble them to appease our hunger. It rarely makes a real meal…

We get attached or we give in…

As Christophe Maé says so well, we get attached or we give up. Or rather, we get bored.

Sex is cool. Exploring one’s desire alone or together is even more fun. So a booty call or a sex friend, of course it is interesting. It’s more fun than multiple one-night stands. Except maybe for the hunters like me.

But after a while, if the tinkling of feelings doesn’t spice up our body to body, we always end up getting bored. Unfortunately, it lacks that little spice that would make a good dish a delight for the palate.

And when we don’t get bored… It’s already too late, the spice is there, but unfortunately usually only in our cupboard.

It happened to me a few times. No, Mylene, you will never be in a relationship. No, Mylene, no feelings, please. Too late. Sometimes it was love, sometimes it was emotional dependence. But one thing I knew for sure was that I was waiting for something very different than what they could give me.

Good resolutions?

When I left Australia, I said to myself: “Now, enough with the love substrates! We have to be clear from the start”.

Basically, it’s being in a relationship that I want. Well, I don’t like that cold term. Let’s just say that basically, I want to find someone to laugh with, to share more than a bed with, to go out, to come home, to do a lot of things and nothing, and above all, someone to love in a double sense.

I don’t want marriage, I don’t want daily life, I’m not even sure I want to share an apartment. No, I don’t want to share everything, I want to keep my independence.

Except that… Finding someone is easy for some, and more complicated for others.

And in the meantime, what do we do? We stand there, waiting for a chair to become available. Or do we put our buttocks down for half a second? Do we sit on the floor, give up? Or do we sit between two chairs in the end?

Then, we do what we can! We sometimes break down, we hope too. To remain vague, to leave the possibility of evolving in a direction or in another…

It is often in the other, but so much the worse. Because all the beautiful stolen moments are worth the few hours of depression that follow.

The case of the Friendver

This last relationship was even more blurred. First, friend, then friendver (friend + lover), and we go back to a classic friendship.

It’s pretty easy to keep a good relationship. This time, no ghosting, no total loss of contact. Above all, we are friends.

Seeing him doesn’t make you goat either, even if I have relapses sometimes. My desire did not exist a few months ago. It will eventually disappear.

So sometimes I get confused, when the alcohol gets involved, the hormones push me towards him, and I struggle as best I can. It’s going to take several more gusts of wind to put this fire out.

But we are on the right track…