Body, Corps Photo by Inge Poelman on Unsplash
Because I mistreat you in many ways, because I criticize you constantly, without valuing you.
Today, I will celebrate you little body that follows me everywhere.
I’m sorry to look at you with so much fear and violence at times. I apologize for the sordid sentences I think when I see my reflection in the mirror.
Sorry for envying all these bodies that are not mine. Yes, sorry for dreaming of those slimmer hips, those long slender legs, those plump breasts or those fine noses and full lips.
I’m sorry for all the times I’ve grabbed imaginary fat on your belly with my fingers. Leaving red marks, and a guilty feeling in my mind.
Sorry for making you feel like you’ll never be good enough, and for only seeing your cosmetic flaws, without celebrating all your good qualities.
Sorry for all the extra drinks, for the unprepared half-marathons, for the 4-day fasts, for the sleepless nights, for the untreated boo-boos, and for the loser that I sometimes insert into you.
Thank you for being faithful to me, little body. I tend to forget it, but you are robust. You don’t break, you rarely get sick.
You are not always aesthetically pleasing from my point of view, but you hold up so well. You go through a half marathon without training, without injury with only a few aches and pains.
No matter what happens, you fall asleep, even when my mind is nagging you with worries.
You resist hunger in periods of imposed and ill-prepared fasting.
So thank you, thank you little body, for being there, for being a little force of nature. Thank you for being the strength that compensates for the frailties of my mind.
I promise you
I promise to stop doing anything. Of course I will continue to feed you better, to strengthen you with sports. But I promise, I will leave you alone occasionally, I will let you breathe.
I promise to select your cuddle partners better, and to celebrate you too, alone, in many ways.
Finally, I promise to look at you with more kindness. Yes, I will try to stop looking for a reflection of myself, a fantasy of a body that you will never reach. I will focus on all those little things that make you beautiful in the eyes of some people.
Yes, I will look at you with the eyes of love. I will forget the folds, the cellulite, the massive side, to concentrate on your firmness, your roundness, your softness.
I promise you, little body, I will change, I will improve. We still have so much time to spend together.